How to Create a Meaningful Memorial Service

2 June

When someone we love passes away, a great deal of pressure can surround the idea of “doing things properly.”

But what even is “properly” when it comes to saying goodbye to someone you love?

Why is there so much expectation around “being proper”? Maybe “proper” should simply mean doing what would have felt right for your loved one.

I know I bang on about this a lot, but honestly….. there really is no right or wrong when it comes to saying goodbye.

For some families, this looks like a traditional funeral service. For others, it’s something far more relaxed and personal. I think the best memorial services are those that genuinely reflect the individual being honoured, rather than conforming to others' expectations.

Truth bomb….. there is no one right way to say goodbye. A meaningful memorial service or funeral ceremony should feel personal to the person being honoured….. not like a checklist of traditions or “properness” that don’t reflect who they really were.

When people talk about memorial services and funeral services, the terms are often used interchangeably, but technically they are slightly different. A funeral service is usually held with the person’s body present, while a memorial service takes place without them present.

No matter the format, both are a chance to pay tribute, celebrate, look back and remember someone in a way that's really personal and meaningful.

As a Hobart Funeral Celebrant, I’ve come to see memorial services and funerals less as sad formalities and more as celebrations of life. Of course it’s sad you’ve lost your loved one, but surely, we should be celebrating them too?

Give yourselves a chance to tell stories, share memories, laugh, cry, connect with loved ones and honour your person in a way that genuinely feels like them.

If you’re planning a memorial service or funeral for a loved one, here are a few ways to create something heartfelt, personal and meaningful.

Ditch Funeral Traditions If It Doesn’t Feel Right

One of the biggest misconceptions around funerals and memorial services is that they have to follow a certain format. The reality? They don’t.

A meaningful service can look however you want it to look. For some families, a more formal service feels comforting, familiar and completely right for the person being honoured….. and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

For others, a more relaxed and personal celebration of life feels like a better fit.

A funeral or memorial service might happen in a garden, by (or on) the water, at a family property or somewhere that held special meaning for your loved one instead of a church or funeral home. Guests may wear bright colours instead of black. There may be live music, favourite foods, storytelling, or even a toast with their favourite drink.

I often tell families that there’s no “correct” way to say goodbye. The most important thing is creating a memorial service or funeral service that genuinely reflects the person, whether that’s traditional and formal or relaxed and unconventional.

Focus on the Person, Not the Ceremonial Formalities

The most memorable memorial services are usually the ones where you walk away feeling like you truly knew the person being celebrated. The ones where people laughed, reminisced and shared stories together.

With the way I lead services, those who want to can absolutely have conversations and share memories during the ceremony….. and I genuinely love facilitating this for families.

Instead of focusing too heavily on formal structure, think about the little details that made your loved one who they were.

What did they love doing?
What music reminds people of them?
What stories always get told at family gatherings?
What made people laugh about them?

Personal touches turn a funeral or memorial service from generic to meaningful and comforting.

As a Funeral Celebrant, my role is often to help families uncover these little moments and weave them into a service that feels warm, genuine and personal.

Include Family and Friends in the Memorial Service

A memorial service or funeral can feel even more meaningful when loved ones are involved.

Not everyone wants to stand at the front and give a formal eulogy….. and that’s completely okay. I can absolutely do this on your behalf if needed.

There are also so many other ways family and friends can take part in a funeral ceremony or celebration of life. Some people may want to:

Read a poem or letter
Share a funny memory
Help choose music
Carry flowers or photographs
Create a photo display
Write messages or memories for guests to read
Bring along something the person made or gifted them

Sometimes the smallest contributions become the most powerful moments of the entire service.

Don’t Be Afraid of Laughter During a Funeral or Memorial Service

This is something I say often….. funerals and memorial services don’t have to be completely sad.

Of course there will be grief and emotion, but there can also be laughter, warmth and joy. In fact, those moments are often incredibly healing.

Some of the most beautiful funeral ceremonies and memorial services I’ve witnessed have included funny stories, cheeky memories and moments where the entire room bursts into laughter through tears.

A celebration of life should feel human and real. If your loved one was funny, adventurous, relaxed or completely unconventional, it’s okay for the service to reflect that too.

Music Can Completely Shape a Memorial Service

Music has a way of connecting people to memories instantly. The right song can transport someone back to a moment, a feeling or a person.

When planning a memorial service or funeral, think beyond traditional funeral songs if they don’t feel right. Maybe it’s:

Their favourite road trip song
A song they always danced to
Live acoustic music
A playlist playing softly as guests arrive
A song that reminds everyone of family holidays or special moments

Music can completely change the atmosphere of a memorial service or funeral ceremony and make it feel deeply personal.

I once led a service where the family chose the song their loved one used to blast while getting ready for a big night out….. and they played it as the coffin was led out.

This is what creating a meaningful service is all about.

A Funeral Celebrant Helps Bring It All Together

Planning a memorial service or funeral while grieving can feel overwhelming. Having a Funeral Celebrant involved means you don’t have to navigate it all alone.

A celebrant can help guide the process, support your family, create structure where needed and most importantly….. help create a service that truly reflects the person being remembered.

For me personally, funerals and memorial services are never just about loss. They celebrate a life. They acknowledge how someone impacted those around them. They create a space for sharing stories, memories, and connections.

And sometimes, those simple, genuine moments are the ones people remember forever.

If you’re planning a memorial or funeral, or discussing pre-funeral planning, remember: there’s no perfect way to say goodbye. The best services often feel genuine, personal, and full of love.

Millie Walker